Life's not that hard really, as we make it seem when the weather is down, or when we sink in fear
It's not so serious, when all seems lost, and patterns just appear.
The thing is that, these negative patterns, are usually constructed by the mind,
they are practiced over time, and tend to create similar situations and circumstance dance.
When patterns get released, fulfill their goal, and are filled with happier beliefs,
one notices that negativity, bad situations and experience really all come hand in hand.
Eveything drops and collapses at one time, whether relationships, harmony, familial ties, personal issues and patterns, education, state of mind and addictive interests.
It's like a bubble filled with negative rays which live on each other, and sink lower.
Neither prayers, nor good will, nor wishes matter at that time, what has to be dealt
with comes and goes like a tide that brings grey signs
Once the tide is over though, and the shore begins to clear
Pieces left as memorablia, some thrown in anger, some burnt and those which take time to fade
When life becomes more positive, even the choices differ. The people I instantly talk to differ, awareness on those who are commited, stable and settled in life whilst they grow and learn. Attractions differ, as the 'bad' which personifies itself into guys, addictions, and habits just disappear. They just lose their flair, their interesting factors, and they become dry subtances which lose all importance. Attachments decrease, I don't know if you notice, but when a person has substance abuse problems they tend to be attached to their surroundings, these chords which flair everywhere, energies which blast in all directions, no sense of care for how to stand alone. Yet once these detachments starts occuring, no matter how much the mind resists, no matter how much the past furnishes the mind, no matter how many people arise in your mind, you know your on to better things, because your capable of choosing people in your life who make you comfortable, you start being attracted to those who actually give you what you want, rather than those who are 'reckless' which only reflect our own choices really. So even thoughts change, as the postive ones are favoured, food becomes healthier as well, as the stomach starts enjoying the greens and vegetables.
The mind starts accepting flaws, and the importance of them. It starts appreciating one's good, and finds a way to truly discover that personal space that make the I happy. Conversations, people, and situations which arise seem way more stable, and one notices the emotional turbulence and rollercoaster one experiences through a couple of them. Some are so unnecessary and mostly unimportant, yet being human means one fails to exist without the lows and highs.
I could really go on and on, simply out of perhaps gratitude, sometimes discomfort at the vast amount of change taking place, my resistant mind, which sometimes pains because it bombards me with reasons to not change. My positive affirmations which come in phases, or the fact that I'm not interested in things which used to encourage 'negative behaviour'. It's all so strange, or perhaps new to me, it happens so unexpectedly.
Every year brings in a new limelight. When I first joined university, it was about mini wants, fun, colours, and social interactions in large circles. Learning to deal with different types of people, diversity and an idea of change and open mindedness in a university where people smoke pot everyday. Ironyyyy
The second year, taught me the importance of compromise in a living household, whilst mantaining personal respect. It also taught me how on one side I always stuck to my personal space, my wants and my beliefs. On the other hand it taught me how at times I was too forgiving, ignored flaws which could hurt me and failed to rise up at an important circumstance.
The third year, seemed like a follow up. It seems in life, that it is normal to fail and pass. Yet when a lesson fails to be passed it keeps arising. So taking a stance kept appearing in my life time after time, after time, till I actually started saying what I really wanted to. The importance of relationships, and how much they change over the years, first year's social bubble bursts completely, how far the mind can fall when not controlled, and how everyone simply reflects the enemity within. The importance of personal power, knowing how to keep it, use it, and let it be the guide of one's intuition.
I can say I made a lot of mistakes, come on I'm just turning 22, at times I felt shame for acting in certain ways, yet now I realize day by day, that because of every tried and tested mistake, is the reason I come closer to my true core self everyday. Because it is one's failures and mistaken moments which truly pinpoint at times occasions in ones life. They are remembered because one wishes to improve those mistakes or get out of that way of life. Whilst the mind is improving, the situations are enhanced, and emotions are healing, the learning is sinking in meditatively to form thought patterns within.
This must be one of the longest continuous things I've written, and yet I could go on and on, about what's going on inside. I love this feeling, when it doesn't stop, it's like my life is rowing, with oars that stay beside me and a tide that is breezy, calm, and smooth.
Think about your choice, there's always more than one, you'll get to the same place, but you choose which way to learn. The comfort within, the comfort without, all the same, no difference between what revolves and what comes from inside, appears out.
