The World of Affirmations

It so happens that on a very fine day, that the power which exists is related to me
My thoughts, my actions, my consequences, all .. just a part of my life

And then I think of wondering of how is it that it took me so long to get here
When all I needed was a lil bit of belief, in something I say
Looking for a god?

And when time has passed, the negativity will always exist

Sometimes I just need a bit of unity
Between the best and the right
I think it might be what they call happiness
How will I know
Until I know what I was scared I'd never know

I wish to arrive at what I want,  only this time
to something which lets me let go of my comfort zone
Only in this experience of course
I'd rather be private through most of it all

Growing up

When you start stating your points aloud, a lot can change in your world

From simplicity, small chatter, gossip, and talks, the works can change altogether into a full blown chaos theory. 

The material (fake) acquaintance start falling apart, as suddenly people have much to say about your person, due to some choice of words which only enforces your strong, yet upcoming voice. 

The founded relationships, stay put, growing as the parties involve evolve. Yet much changes, as time passes, for with every transformation, there remains the question, if the relationship will stay in one's life, as a connection which existed before.

The society connections, which sometimes exist in one's life for decades, are put on a standstill, for sometimes we have changed, grown, evolved, even practiced our mind, yet come across those few who haven't moved an inch. 

What happens when you change, do all your relationships change?

If your relationship with yourself has changed, do your mirror a new series of relationships, do you see things in a new way, and do you strive for even better relationships, filled with further love, in the same way you begin to love yourself more....

 

Attachments

Attachments, are they truly our emotional love towards someone..

Or are they merely a tactic our body and mind use in correlation to resist the growth our soul is about to go through...


Do we love an idea so much, that it becomes larger than life, and overwhelms us into an oblivion of something being too good to be true. A lie we tell ourselves, in the face of disaster, or in the fear of being alone. Is it love, or simply the fear to walk ahead, scared that experience will repeat itself in the course of the path ahead.

In my case, I think making sense of an attachment is far grander, than the actual attachment is. For making it purposeful in itself, allows me to move ahead. What's right for society can only become right for me, when I experiement, test, and see if it fits me appropriately, much like paving my own way, choosing my own deco, and furnishing my own makings. To Guj, attachments are sharing her first experiences with someone she loves, be it the first time she visits an atm or the first time she meets a smooth man who knows how to dance. To Bhatia, life is a huge attachment, be it her boyfriend, her maid, an experience which happened when she was seven. And to the girl whose surname reminds me of bangles, nothing could be a bigger attachment than what she considers to be hers, be it her boyfriend, her children, and even her clien't couture line.

Then why is it, that when the attachment, fails to live up to its expectations, something changes, and we become detached, or perhaps simply move forward..

Are we that judgemental  of something not being the way we want it to be, or are we simply lost in our failures of not being the perfect somebody that we imagine we have the potential to be.
And if it's not us, does the other, actually mirror our own challenges, or do we all reach a point of realization when something stops working, and believe that there is definitely something out there, more in tune with our needs, our wants, and with a connection which yes involves work, but also happens further naturally. It's the 'more factor,' belief which arises, and seems to move us ahead, to a better job, a better relationship, a better environment.  The factor, which mantains growth, with something new, for our changed selves.

With no further hesitation, attachments are what motivates us when all is lost, for they are the root of a want, which we are determined to fill, past or no past. What once was a lifetime away, is a step away, and eventually will become of baby step aspirational movements, to attain and achieve the goal which is in sight, for it has been created in the mind, in our lives, and in our future, which as many say, 'the future is now.'

Attachments are symbolisms we place on things which matter to us, and as we grow older, what matters seems to change, hence we're provided with new somethings, and old somethings, that keep our life full of memories. Maybe memories were created to be symbolic in the past and representational in our lives, the something somethings which will always exist, and the something somethings which we maintain to exist as we live our lives. Attachment, or no attachment, one thing is true, to detach from somethings, completes such memories, giving one space to find the real deal, the true gold, and the emotional fulfillment, which can only be found when one looks within. The detachment will surmount, the goals will become visible, and most of all the peace which prevails is going much further than being stuck with a pillar.

Belief, or no belief, this belief is true, look for a religion which fulfills you, not one which holds you together, for when your meant to change, all will fall apart, and you will begin a new journey, pillar apart. So take a clue, and next time you start a new cycle, begin with self emotional fulfillment, and your intention will also be at the end, as you discover the beauty that already resides in your heart.


P.S. Religion is not always such a close minded theory as people conceive it to be. It can be in simple terms, a way of life. A chant, a prayer, a belief, an affirmation, and many small somethings which help one lead the way.

The element of learning

Does it sometimes take us several times, before we learn for ourselves that we're making a mistake

What some take a lifetime in denying, do some of us, need to repeat the same pattern till we suddenly change, overnight? Or do we willingly decide to change that very part of ourselves?

Do the mistakes become,
A- 'I did it my way,'
B- ' I don't understand'
C- 'I think I'm right'
D- All of the above

Or do we accept, the part of us which feels astray, confront it, and accept it, which sets it free, or rather confirms its existence, and henceforth allows it to rest in peace.


What about the people involved in this mistake making, it's not only our regrets, but also the fact that our mistakes might have hurt somebody else, intent or no intent, and we might continue to make the same unless we take charge, and decide to change, for the higher good of all.

Is it a belief, an insecurity, or a pure misunderstanding of relationships. Does it involve people who are now 50, and hence don't need to change, people are who 20, and too busy with their lives, people who are 40 and think they have enough experience to know what's right, or just all of us, who lack to give deep importance to the concept of relationships. Or people who are emotionally looking for some gain and remain blind to themselves, much like the three blind mice. Mouse 1 believing that such games are his/her immense power to get everything he/she wants, since of course it only includes the Best ( At another person's expense). Mouse 2 believing that such behavior is how one is truly free and makes oneself happy. ( At another person's expense),  Mouse 3 believes priding a large score sheet is as near as a happy family as can be. ( Ofcourse once again at another person's expense).


Relationships, are a general code of behavior, they involve what we think about them, what we feel about them, and henceforth how we act. When one changes, do we land up in a gold-mine, and discover that all our relationships change, because we broke a habit, or is it just a matter of good ole timing, and the effects it has on our planets, our zodiac signs, and destiny plans.

Does change become good when we surrender to it, forced to it, or plainly woken up to it coincidently.

Whilst some may stick to their stagnancy, I'd like to believe that by changing not only are we loving ourselves further, but we grow, in ways we didn't know existed, and hence as spiritualists all over the world would say, we provide a ripple of positive energy, which benefits the Universe as a whole!

And everyday we get closer, to knowing what works, what doesn't, and what needs to be let go of..  so that something better can come in!

First impressions, Last impressions?

When the past comes knocking on your front door
The bearings have changed

What was once a moment in time, seizes to be its original display
and comes around for more

When we beg to deny, that circumstances haven't changed, we haven't changed
and most importantly the relationship hasn't changed, who are we kidding..

Things which don't work anymore, come back to haunt us! Sometimes even after
the clear clarity of there being no balance, or connectivity.

It's like anything goes, no sense, no purpose, no meaning, but a mere beingness of what.. being alive!?!


When you, your life, and your relationships have changed completely, is there space for the old?

I say, we need to go back to the start. 'Guj,' over coffee, reminds me of the situation in which I met the old, let's say, settings, surroundings, and their then current intent. I start recognizing things I didn't see before, oblivious to reality, and engrossed in my freedom! In a place where debate, societies, and rights, overbalance everything else involved, is there really any space for growth, truth and a normal sense of being.Which figures, that if stating a point is your main intent, then you are definitely going to be stating points in all aspects of your life regardless of it making sense, or having a purpose. Which goes to say, that at times, we fight for rights of individuals who are truly suffering, in order to make a point, whilst creating our own power games. How ironic, I said that people who study subjects the likes of politics, are politicos in their relationships!
And Guj, made me reconsider my thought of irony, with a face that completely reflected a disinterested 'really'...

So there begins my own journey of, judging people, noticing what people do, and taking into account their behavior as reflecting who they really are.

So why is it, that we try so hard to make something work when after effort it doesn't change. We deny that the core is not right for us, and that once this is gone, there is perhaps scope, for something so much better for self.

Relationships which lack support, are not ones where your not understood, but rather, they appear to be merely the lack of interest of the opposite party to care about what you want for yourself in your life. I mean it's as simple as, right, we basically have wants in our lives, and our relationships apart from mirroring ourselves, tend to be our support system, in matters of our choices. Of course at times, there are opposing thoughts, but it only really serves to strengthen the situation eventually. What happens when people, fail to support you, but instead become the force that pulls you down, do they become enemies, misunderstood, or simply unavailable.

Somethings, I may never know, but I know what I want, in my life, and I don't need to share that in order to be loved, I think love is what's shared when you are, and another is in each others lives. Perhaps first impressions, truly are the last, maybe the start defines the end. What began as love at first sight, will always remain love at first sight whether the intimacy exists or not. What began as no comment, will always remain as no comment, even if you shared a friendship in between. And what began as empty, will always remain empty, even if it takes betrayal, lies, and 2 years to unravel.

I think the starting point is usually connected to the ending point, for we create a 360 degree circle, only to return to where we started, like the law of life, creation, death, and the element of learning providing a platform for subjects, experiences, and the next step to make sense.

Judging fashion trends

If experience doesn't give us the god damn right to be crazy, what does?

Moments, which once learnt, only expand our consciousness.
Sometimes taking time to sink in, frequently called 'coming into your own.'

This blooming phase, heard and spoken about in so many languages and phrases. One of my favorites coming from an author who explains that,  even after the harshest cold era, comes the most gloriously awaited bloom.

Yet blooming isn't something that happens once in a lifetime, it's actually something that happens to us all, especially women, every once in a while. Much like the lessons which don't stop coming around for coffee, and at times an over-extended drink. Growth doesn't get stagnant for too long, no matter how much we try and stop it!

I think at times we need to learn, how to be self dependent, as opposed to co-dependent, sometimes we come into our own, by understanding that there's a difference between being alone and being lonely, and one of the grandest somethings, that brings me to joy, is self acceptance, over any other form of the same.

I love the idea, all of this sounds so wonderful, as though we're given chance after chance, to transform into ever expanding beings, and so, all the drama that we involve in our lives, is merely a tactic to open up to the mysteries of tomorrow, or experience one of these 'metamorphosis' feelings unravelling a deep hidden want!

The pursuit of happiness, is one I'd like to imagine never being given up, for it is exactly what we want, or need that comes into our life, at any given moment! Always at the right time.. what a synchronized dance by the way..

And this I say from facts, with my ever observing alert mind. I recently found a trick, that helps me miraculously in an area of my life that I have longed for peace. And believe you me, I tried and tested the several ways to get there, ridiculous as it sounds, since I was 12.
 And 2 years ago, I intently was intent, to find this thing, regardless of where I looked, even desperately at times to get closer to that light I relished for in my life.

And well, something has arrived. All too new, but effective from the first day.

Now I stop waiting for miracles,
you see Now I see the miracle that I can be

Last night some words saved my life

I'm going back to a place I feared to return to
I'm packing my bags, after I've managed to unpack my past
I'm boarding a plane, after picking up pieces of my last life crash

And yet I'm changed, and stronger, as though my emotions have found a comfort
And as I've always wanted, they weren't found in a place, a name, a face or a game
But within, when I found the words which worked for me
That special place, my body connects with divinity

I'm mended I say, what's torn has left, and all I've taken is the strength that remained
Now I'm not broken, wait I never was, it was the second round that prevailed
Perhaps I'm like my mother, too strong to allow the journey to be framed

I think I have what I've always wanted, a religion whose core I believe in,
and state of mind that works for me.

Snow White thanks the seven dwarves or dwarfs into metamorphosis

Snow white, was a cartoon I grew up with until I heard Sara Bareille's song
concerning Fairy Tales, on a mockery of how taking care of seven men would lead anyone to have an affair in this century when dishes are the novelty of the relationship.

So the prince lost its value, with personal experiences of how these stories truly differ from the struggles of any late teenager or early adult finding love. Suddenly the notion of reality dawned in, and all was strangely changing, or finding its root fears when it came to the actualities of dating.

When I first watched snow white, my recollections included, what an evil queen, snow white sings, the dwarfs are funny, and the prince is the ending. It's like the movie had its peak moments, with these particular characteristics. I mean a lot of old disney movies depended on the prince to have an ending. And I couldn't use this notion anymore, because Snow white just dealt with one evil queen, nowadays, in the modern world, we deal with lots of obstacles, whether its people, relationships, living, finance etc etc!!

So I preferred Sara Bareille's version by the time I was 20, thinking this is easier to phantom. At least it makes sense with my surroundings. Ah but life, and it's constant change, and our constant transformation with all that is. Suddenly the dwarves weren't ignored anymore, but accepted as part of my reality. After all, they weren't just anything, they were my thoughts, and that as a person, made them my own children. The same way Snow white, dedicated her time to guiding the way for these lil men, to clean up, brush up and tweak their ways, is the same way I over the past few months, have dedicated my time, into loving my thoughts, into so  much love at times, that it feels like their lost in bliss. And that is where the difference begins, and the changes occur.

There could be so many interpretations on this, yet if the dwarves were looked at symbolically, they could be perceived as inner thoughts, maybe even personal weaknesses, or aspects of self. And the only way to truly let them rest in peace, is by setting them free with acceptance. Or the perhaps soppy repeated term of love.

I think, this is the true beginning, of self acceptance, and once that is achieved. Well the evil queen does die, because no longer does one fear change, or that part of the ego, RIP, because it settles for surrender, and embracing the ways the Universe works.

And then we all know how it ends... as fairy tale as it all sounds, disney is believable, once you have passed, the stage of being a child, and taking it as a bible. Once you have passed your resistance phase, of being a know it all, and taking it as bullshit, there comes this space, where you accept it.

 Because believe it or not, it's not ''reality'' which makes things real, but a thought, which transforms into reality.

Enough of princes, after all, the princess is the one who creates him in the first place.

I like journeys

Reading through one of my novels... well not mine specifically
but yes, they do personify my particular love for them
I came across this paragraph which really defined Karma
in words I couldn't better convey, not now anyways.

' This is the supreme lesson of karma ( and also of Western psychology, by the way)-
take care of the problems now, or else you'll just have to suffer again later when you screw
everything up the next time. And that repetition of suffering - that's hell.
Moving out of the endless repetition to a new level of understanding- that's where you'll find heaven. '

I tend to jot down these lil moments of inspiration, or understanding with markers, but this particular one was the most prominent in a novel, which will be releasing as a movie in a matter of days. It's tag line, being, 'One woman's search for everything across Italy, India and Indonesia.' 3 I's, yeah ironic, the author thinks so too.

Anyhow, getting back to the quote, I guess it pretty much explains itself to be honest. Kind of like, change now, or you'll deal with the same thing till you surrender and change. The universe's simple way of saying let go of that bit of your ego, love, and the pain will go. As though it were that easy! But yes, it does get easier with practice, safe as it is to say, from experience.

Well if you ever read this book, I'm sure you'll see what I mean when I say its intricately woven into a beautiful piece, very casual, yet very refined. And who doesn't mind, traveling three countries in a form of literary experience.

Another really important aspect which touched me in this book, is the fact that everyone always talks about three levels of consciousness, books, movies, conversations, we all do. The recent Inception, was a classic case of this in practice. Yet this particular book, by Elizabeth, touches on the fourth level. The level which is aware of all three levels, as they merge, act, and live together in harmony. Some would say that that is  acknowledging self awareness, and some would say it's known as enlightenment, and some would say that's what you call  bullshit. Be my guest, and tick the appropriate column.

Interesting, leaves room, for even higher spiritual metamorphosis.

Inception

Inception, was brilliant! I mean crowds were applauding after the film..

Could there be any more merger between reality and 'inner reality'
For a while I considered it to be exclusively interesting based on its
foundation of focusing so long on how our subconscious mind
deep roots our patterns, or secrets and how our conscious mind
is the aware one, and the differences amongst them.

Then I realized, wait a minute, it's not about the differences,
but the acceptance of both of them actually being one that leads one
to a more fulfilled life.

'Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.' Carl Jung


Which goes to say, that if we accepted ourselves just the way we were, flaws and all. And had no 'secrets,' which really aren't secrets, but on a deeper level they are  simply patterns!
Which we probably come on earth as souls to release, with certain lessons, because guess what if we didn't have patterns. I don't know about you, but I would be chilling with Buddha somewhere, and not be in this game of life. It's simple as, simple does. We're born to release patterns, and love seems to be the only way of doing this. Through nurturing self, accepting self, and once the ground work is laid out, the rest is automatic. It just happens, as much as as an individual one gets the same sort of lessons in life, for a particular element of challenge in self.

On another level, if Cobb hadn't hidden Mal so deep in his subconscious, and Mal hadn't hidden her belief either, there would be no film, because there would be no 'secret' and hence nothing to find and bring out into the open. If they each had accepted that that is their shadow side, they would have been fine. Yet that is life, and sometimes it can take lifetimes perhaps to clear a pattern out the way.
And Mr. Fisher, wouldn't have taken so long to discover what really lay in the safe, if only he truly confronted what he was denying within himself. So you see the movie might have included several characters, but at the end of the day, it helped each character confront something about themselves, and strengthen their weaknesses, or empower their strengths or for a couple of people it was just an ordinary experience. It worked in everyones highest interest.

The basic moral being, instead of allowing life to show you what's buried in you, discover it yourself, and you will live a more centered, fulfilled life. Not that this is a piece of cake, but I think consistency helps, as much as showering every day, ensures your hygiene.

D says, 'evil is merely ignorance.'  Which I agree with, because once we are aware of something that lays within us, we accept it, and something changes.

Once again change, one of my favorite topics, because so much of it is connected to Change. If we surrendered and didn't mind change, we would be so much more flexible to allowing life to present what is actually within us, and we would confront ourselves and move on. But most of us are so comfortable, that change feels like a misconduct of some sorts.

I loved Inception, as much as I love knowing my patterns so I can love them, as much as I'm beginning to love change for the first time, and not the type that involves a city, or clothes, but rather the one that changes something within. At times it means letting go of old relationships, or old ways of thinking, even old ways of living, but it adds up to something new, which allows me to grow  and reach planes I never knew existed and ones I couldn't imagine could arise in my life.

E R

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt, 'This Is My Story,' 1937

The joint family

With one of the most interesting classes in the most unexpected day
I figured out how to humanize my 16 Tarot court cards, to make them into individual human beings

A challenge placed in front of me for nearly 18 months now,
has turned into an understanding, with what D, as people call her, explained to me.

There are four suits in the Tarot deck, beautiful and individual.

Wands
Cups
Swords
Pentacles

They each have their own element property as well which helps understand them further, and sometimes even combining them with the zodiac sign can help.

Wands- Fire
Cups- Water
Swords- Air
Pentacles - Earth


Well as I know of it now, I can say, that each suit, for example Wands, has its own nuclear family. It includes, a King, a Queen, a Knight and a Page. Four members, each playing a different role in their respective household. Thus a King representing, the member who holds the solidarity, the responsibility and most of all the decision making. So on reveals each ones characteristics.

All together, all 16 members become so interesting. Identifiable, and one is able to know which family one would go to for a certain query. For example, with a query about art, one would definitely go to the family of Cups.

You know, life really answers your questions in the most unexpected of ways! I mean through songs, a conversation you overhear, or someone telling you something, or reinforcing a statement. But today, is even more special, for I discovered, the joint family I was always looking for in my deck of cards, which will always be with me. And further more, they've been right under my nose, and yet it will be two years soon since I started my wonderful journey of change with them.


Tarot cards, aren't only for divination purposes, or answer seeking purposes. They represent energy, the law of attraction, and most of all they can be mirrors to characteristics you most need, or need less of. To take it one step forward, some of the Major Arcana cards, are fascinating! Like number 16, the Tower card, one can really relate to this card, with a personal experience of a crisis which takes place in life. They are the most symbolic messages, through their image, through their message and most of all through the personal connection one forms with them.


I love them!

Social Acceptance

Being socially accepted is perhaps a challenge for those who resist that want
Personality, soul, or mere deep hidden patterns, an unknown territory appearing
in the conscious from a tight wrapped sub conscience

And when we reject such a field, is it because we've grown
or merely because it might take time to create a new you


Was it the wrong people, the growth of unknown patterns or merely life obstacles
which differ in humanity's toll

'The death toll is always the same, one per person.'

And yet it seems like death happens every time a new experience is abound
A renewal of thoughts, a renewal in perspective, and most of all a renewal in what is a personal belief on love. So the old is new again.

This thing called acceptance, it can be bought, it can be sold, it can be attained through a popular medium, and at times earned through dedicated work.

Yet if we stopped believing in ourselves, when people fail to realize us, we would only give up what we came on earth to achieve, alongside humanity, or without them.

'There's a lot of people alone in the world, they don't have to be lonely.'

I think when one is able to master this, then one is a true ship controller, for then one sees beyond the black and white, and one sees one self and one's purpose for what it is.

The Wheel of Fortune

Power isn't something you give away
It's something you nurture

Power, far from being the anthesis of love
Is only created through love

Power isn't what you do to someone
It is what remains of you, once you have flown your course.

A door

A door was shut and buried underneath
Not just any door, but the kind that has these big dreams

When the door failed to open at sight
Windows were created to protect what already had its own might

Then some arrows shifted in, those of fortune
and those that the windows used to convince the door to open

Yet the door had its wisdom, and knew about the right time
It hadn't ever come out, yet it had anchored all from above

And then one day, after years of contemplation, and a belief in something
which hadn't been touched

lodged open, especially after months of guiding light

And then unravelled the journey which was going on,
it seems the door had been blooming
Only this time, the journey would end with a hand of roses
They would be red


And whilst this would be beautiful
It will be the long lasting experiences which truly  matter
Because they brought a door here...

It's not so easy, as be gone....

When you leave something behind
Does it hurt, or are we just trying to change ourselves

When we feel bounded by those around us
Do we reject them, because we wish to fly

And when something that's gone still has the power to hurt
Will it ever be gone, or will it simply transform into something new


Letting go, is something sour, n bitter, because to leave
is the epitome of wanting to change, without any resistance

Perhaps it is a mistake, or perhaps there is some buried regret


When we want a bigger picture, do we release the small obstacles
without a word, or any delay
Is it something I truly wanted to do for months, or something that shifted overnight

Perhaps I'll never know
But I do know, that it has become silent
There remains no loud noise, no fear, and most of all no need for any acceptance
but that of self

So maybe we will always make mistakes
But one of the few things we can do for ourselves
is deny entrance to that which  makes one regret.

Children vs Men

2 scents unite to feel like they are one, assimilated, even before self has unravelled
They might be life less to some, yet this grouping allows them to connect
on the basis of a common 'denominator.'
An illusionary prey, which chooses children over men,
a person who knows that they know, righteousness only allows, for another obstacle to be passed
and a positive flaw, to be maintained.

When people refuse to change, they resist what comes to them
We all do, sometimes it takes years, lifetimes to break a pattern!
Yet ignoring change is quite another, and denying it, further.

Imagine a tree, it changes according to the seasons,
color- wise, quality, quantity wise.
Law of nature applies.
So why would humans be separate from this way,
when everything is connected, we are all spirit.

So instead of games, manipulation, and methods which only
serve to give 'power' to those who feel 'powerless'
I'm definite, that if they looked inside, and truly
searched for what made them who they are
They wouldn't need a false material illusion.
Today it's people power games, tomorrow its brands, what's next, addiction to something which isn't even really real. It only serves to fulfill some emotional insecurity which if confronted,
you wouldn't need to question if people have mirrors, or try to make them lose by considering oneself grander.
You would see what you really hold.


Marilyn Monroe,
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." 

one field, one love, one creation.

One, One , One , One, One... this number just can't be emphasized enough
And even if it is, the wonder of it, is that it manages to include every existential number
Of course, zero is special, for its inherent quality of being divided by one to provide infinity
Yet zero is appropriate for the idea of choice, one is appropriate, for all that is!

And when infinity and all that is unite, I think it's the beginning of a new calling
A meant to be factor, with wants the higher self has created over time
or perhaps before arrival, on a soul blueprint, which is but the guide
for all our life experiences, the simple, the trauma, and the happy.

It's the fitting in of the pieces, the idealization of Universe tandem
and the point of being at one with all, or simply, with a purpose
that isn't just in the mind, but on a much higher level, in sync
with self, chakras, and higher self
Something the subconscious and conscious correlate on.

And as for infinity, if we could do, or try everything, and incorporate all the sources
Well personally it would be fun! I would know every technique when it came to the
Study of Religions.
Yet, it simples down, or narrows down, and one starts sticking to things which just work
they just instantly connect, and it gets easier every single time
The pattern strengthens, or perhaps emerges more confident
with a self discovery, that lay dormant within!

It's the year of unity! I don't know if you see the difference
But if you look deep within, and start looking for the unknown within
I'm sure you'll unravel your largest aspirations
from an inner well, which is waiting to be drawn out
to thirst your inner quest

The terror of one of a kind

It's not such a lonely journey after all
When you have yourself, and your mind at rest

It's perfectly, when your not around,
telling me how to go down

It's commonly known to be true
that a star can shine in a comfortable place

Your expectations are not necessary
and your voice not needed

For you know as much as I, that it just makes you feel right
and gives you the same comfort, which is the reason you question the one that's mine

You don't need to be wrong, if another is right
You can simply be you, instead of trying to prove some sort of illusionary might

Kindness doesn't give you the right to prey
As much as being 'bad' won't make you win the day

Good people don't suffer, we all do
The only difference is, they fix it themselves, and some patronize the good,
with condescending advice

If you really cared, you would support, not advice
If you really tried, you would be the one to bring up, not further drain down eye sight

You wouldn't pass me on your pitying company
but rather respect me, than insult my mistaken plights

The ones you also make, yet pass on to your lovers
as though they were your knights



Your way would be different and it wouldn't involve mine
It would simply involve yours, whilst you show your true character in hindsight

It is not words which make a man, but his deeds
Consistent one, not those which only appear once a year
much like October 31st, and its consequent halloween.

Little girl

A guide, mentioned today, that the most challenging people in our lives
are our soul mates

It gave me a mixed reaction, for a while a sense of ah.. relief, and on the other hand
'what the hell, yeah right like xxxxxxxx is my soul mate! '

Then I got thinking, if a person who let's say, made me angry
was my soul mate, then through that particular energy,
I would only be learning a couple of crucial or normal lessons through being part of humanity.
Such as forgiveness, accepting my weaknesses, and perhaps using such ' anger or disruptive ' moments as a time to empower my personal strengths.

Her logic can be also be found in a story she mentioned, about a cute child who wants to play in the game of life.
She watches from above, and chooses to learn about forgiveness, considering humanity is constantly changing, with a whole array of experiences with one another. She tells God, that the person she will travel on this earthly plane with is her soul mate, the one who she has spent lots of life times with as journeying soul.
 And through this particular game of life, they choose to put each other through much, but come out with the purpose of forgiving one another's deeds whilst they individually grow or aspire towards enlightenment.

Well it might not be believable to a 'grown - up' or somebody who already has fixed patterns in place. Yet, it's sweet, and it gives you a new way, or approach of viewing things, kind of like a gentle security.

We ride on the same boat and ...

Depression, it's like the number one root of suicide..

Yet it fails to receive the treatment we deem on old people, ill people, even dying people.

In a society where even critics will criticize their own critics

there's no place for people with mental illnesses

or let me say, no place for support of such people

It's the same situation, we had with gay marriages, with aids, even with sex.

It's like people are so resistant to change, that they even block out

the day to day changes which occur in humanity's pace

Be it the inner emotions, the outer looks or the ability to hold onto what isn't what it was yesterday.

Why is it, that we change our phones, our shoes, even our boyfriends

But we find it hard to change ourselves, or accept those who have changed.

We stick to old resolutions, and old friends, which never change

and yet when one of us changes, we go on the defense, as though

that means they're constantly critical of our life station

We were so excited that the States had a black president, oh we're going forward!

But we all failed to caption, exactly what the political campaigns were doing

Focusing on Change, which as it turns out, is the only constant in life

It is actually the only thing that always remains consistent in our lifetimes

whether we like it or not, we soon learn to adapt to this flow. 

And it's not only this mental state, I mean even physically, we're so narrow minded

that we remember some people, as oh yeah the 'fat one.'

What a label, as though the person lost their name and identity

because their body weight stood out more than what you know them as

Or the 'slut,' like sex overrides the individual's personality

And these are terms, educated society members use, so imagine, ignorance .. ? Or perhaps an inability to make sense of oneself, above the worded terms?...

You know it isn't everyday we ride the same boat, but about the days that we do, that truly reflect what we feel about ourselves through each other. 

Do you notice how much I change?

You've said people are different, yet according to what and according to whom
Considering there's no structured consensus on the same

Different from one another, how so, it's not like oneself
defines the majority of human characteristics

It seems like an easy way out to an internal dilemma within
For if we accepted people the way they were, we would see
that it is not they who are different, or me, but instead, what they love to do
that makes them so 'different.' For example, somebody creating music, that makes them different,
not as a person, but rather the footprint they leave behind, with concerns to the energy
they picked up as an individual, resulting in their own original pieces.

I still believe we're all basically the same, in terms of our human experiences,
our strengths, our weaknesses, and our desire to be happy. Perhaps it is the details
which differ, or our approach, which could be connected to the soul, mind, body, experiences, patterns, and nurturing environment and people.

If I met you today, after say 3 years, and said you were different. It wouldn't make sense, for I'd be comparing you to me? And why the need for comparison, it only halves your self and mine.

Yet if I said, hey you've changed, as a normal individual, I probably would have realized your weight, your hair, your height maybe?!? Yet what about the real changes, the ones you probably would have subconsciously and consciously made, due to life experiences. I mean 3 years, they're a grand amount of learning experiences, and individual choices.

I like change, especially inner changes, they reflect on outer changes. I like growth, and I like seeing people grow around me as much I love to bloom regardless of the tosses and turns life presents, on this beautiful journey which is once upon a time, since it might be lived consequently by your soul many times, but only once by you, body, mind and spirit.

So when we meet again, and I say, you've changed. Let me know what you experienced, for it will brighten up my day.

I wanted Tarot, and now I'm set to be the apprentice

Life's many a journeys begin as a Fool
Card 0, in the Major Arcana in Tarot

As a fool, you set out on your journey,
ignorant and blissful of a knowledge which is yet to come your way

A way which will inspire many splendors, traumas, and at times disruptions
Yet not to worry, these are only life experiences, which work for the greater good

As will be the knowingness when one reaches Card 21, The World in the Major Arcana in Tarot

On this journey, aspects of self, represented as the shadow side are confronted, accepted, and hence one realizes one has the choice, as in every situation, to release the same

One experiences, joy , which enhance further growth

And one sees downfalls, which only exist to allow the phoenix to rise from the ashes

When one sees situations, for what they really do to us internally
mistakes become normal, growth becomes an amazing force, and negative situations help release those very things in our life which are not necessary, or right for one individually.

What is meant to be will be.....
At the right place, at the right time, in the right series of events

Just do it .. NOW

The Future is Now..

Well at least till the wind blows in another direction, creating a new Now

It gives you the chance to really explore your options, and come up with 20 ideas for one situation. It changes the whole deal, no more, do you feel so limited anymore, but you realize the infinite options your mind creates, and hence when you apply it to life, it liberally opens up, and the boxes you've made, start breaking apart, or completely disappearing, as though they were complete illusion.


The doing occurs in the mind, and the security is engined by fear. Chance events become normal, and personal stance increases. When you discover your 3 weaknesses, in life, you will also discover your strengths. You will then see how they completely balance each other to make sense. Much like the key opposite ingredients needed in any cooked dish.

Then experiences also start making sense, for they only occur to help you encourage your weaknesses to grow, and attribute some positivity onto them. Much like children who only need a lil bit of encouragement. The past becomes a necessary puzzle, the Future is Now, hence all that is  wanted, is understood in the now. It is then that we believe, it is then that we create, and it is then that we receive.

Sometimes though, I make it simpler, and leave it to my karmic actions, destiny and Universal synchronicity.

The test simply turns around

If your wrong, accept it
Stop making the same mistake over and over again like a tippler

Thinking your right, doesn't change it
Oh yeah and stop using people, they might release you from your insecurity
but for how long? Not even till day light..

Love yourself, and let others love themselves

Roses are red...

why me, why me?
First it broke, then it withered, and finally its dishonored.
It's not like I'm walking around hurting anyone
In fact those over there, intently play games on one another
Check those out, they even feel good about themselves
What about those girls, the ones who prove something to men
What about those guys, the ones that think they're always right

Why me Why me?

Well if the wind didn't shift, why would you be here
If you weren't meant to be budged, your resistance would always stick
Why not you? When everybody has their own share of deeds
And why compare, when your destiny completely personifies you
It doesn't matter what you do, but rather your intent, your want!

Everybody gets their own share at the right time, the Universe doesn't only
exist for you, but rather it exists in a grandness which allows it to synchronize and
co ordinate all the worlds events, to work in a tandem.

Learn to master your mind, not another.
Once you know what works for you, you will be at one with the situation
come what may, regardless of its good or bad.

And as for me, I'm only a guide, who will be with you along the way
till you realize the beauty of the role you play.
Patience, it all unravels, even what didn't make sense, makes sense at some point in your life
and what made sense once upon a time, will turn around to be the biggest nonsense.

There's something about life, now that it is mine. ...
Or until the Universe claims it to be
then I will have a purpose, and I will Bloom.

I'm talking Now.. the past is over, that's where it belongs

This kind of life chooses you...

And just when you think it can't get worse, it does

Then you learn to train your mind, and use 'mantras' which change the way you view the situation

And then you realize how to make your own life work, in the midst of the Universe, in co-orporation

Slowly you'll learn about your role, and what it is to let go

I tried to say.. don't go

You don't have to be lonely, in order to be ALONE

Close your eyes, consider the planet, see it revolving
Imagine the humans which must reside in every single corner of our planet
Every place inhabited, by distinct societies
Amongst those you will find several members who bring themselves up alone
And if you look deep in your heart, you'll even notice
the brave few, who don't need a society in order to cure something
which only ever changes when you Change

Learn to be 'Responsible for your Rose.' - Little Prince

Emotional you

She says your emotions run like a river
That they turn and toil, and reveal a whole philosophy
They contemplate life, and question even curiosity

She said a lot of things to me, till inside I took a clue
I saw below what she failed to see, and that was the change which laid amongst you
You personified that change, day in and night out.
But she could never see it, damn she hasn't changed since the 1993 drought

She fails to see that even leaves, trees, and the sky change their form and motion
every day, even in possible minutes.
She only sees the hair and make up she puts on. Like clay, moulded in what the world expected her to be

She thinks she is free, as though her fake eyes don't betray the opposing
She thinks she has the right to play, and make you lose, because your what she calls emotional
Ironically, it is her, who needs you to throw her emotions astray
the ones that make her insecure, and lie within her everyday

She looks at her reflection with a false glare
for unable to change, she thinks there is no other way

She then uses you, to throw some of her baggage into your life
so that her life feels good, and her emotions fly high

It is you who lets it be, pretending to not notice
Yet I know, you know, what she does
And yet you discard it as a burden carried for children

I ask you today, if those children were yours, would you let them stray
I know you will not answer, but I also know that you would never allow them
in such a manner to behave

Hence tell me why such a major difference lies, when children are unconditional
but yours lie at an advantage
for yours get the care, you save for them
and the rest become spoiled like children who have no concern or care for how far
their actions can coincide with a human.

I know the wind sets everyone free some day
Till then, if you can't play
Learn to accept that such a deal is unacceptable and unfair
Walk away, and let them learn through their own mistakes
Say good bye, for without them, your life is blessed with a new day

I see what you mean

Confessions of a shopaholic sounds so glamorous
Even losing its value of addiction
As opposed to the regular alcoholics and drugaholics .. ( Diction apart )

We find happiness in something which provides a sense of urgency
something all the senses attach themselves to
Much like a foodie who craves the same at anytime

It's like an accessory, or a couture which makes one feel complete
Like the bag you saw in Vogue, the dish that makes your mom's food one apart
The drug which wakes your mind, or the drink which tops the past

It kinda makes life fun and light, or allows us to change the details
whilst the real life resistance, is put aside

Perhaps we hide from what we have the potential to feel for ourselves
But then the drama would end, and a new journey would begin
It's scary, but I think we all eventually get there

Don't try.. say Good bye

Something can to an end, the day you sat and said I was running from something
Your love had turned off, and you sat and contemplated me

You said I was a lot of different words, to a lot of different people
But I always knew that those were words you created in the midst of such people
I tried to help you see the truth, yet you thought you were betraying me,  whilst
becoming much like the other rose, with whom you lose your scent beauty

And yet at times, I miss you in thought, or departing ways.
But I also see that you chose to go another way. My problem never lied
with the other, it lied with us losing our natural identity
to be the social expectation as is the moulded artificial other,
much like the other roses Serdar talks about who exist to make
roses who are their natural scent value themselves.

It hurts less everyday, and what was an investment, to make you realize
fades away, as I see everyone gets what they deserve.


As for the words with which you described me in 2008 and 2009, the ones you also used the last time I met you which had no scent, I quote Serdar, 'A rose is a mirror to another rose; when one looks at the other, she either sees her own scent or lack of it.'

I want to change

If I dream about you, does it mean you'll appear into my life
Will my subconscious predict your appearance
or will I simply understand a question that my learning resisted to ask

When you come into my dreams, it's not your face, body, or personality that I remember
But rather, your feeling, the way you looked, your actions and behavior care
You usually leave me something, that adds to my security
and yet you balance it with something, that lets me see your flawed beauty

How could this be, a clash between the first and the second
When the first is aiming to be comprehended
and the second, simply being surrounded by where I love to sit free

And yet you both have your own ways, one full of my memory pictures
and another some sort of respective loyalty

The mystery which was rare, becomes a normal living
The mystery simply loses its need for air, and regains a sense of creativity

You see, when you really are rare, you are yourself
You create, attract your wants, and gain stability

This is me, becoming part of humanity, the one I love.

You don't know..

I see your broken heart shining through
I think I'll cry power, and set you free
Oh wait, what a joke! I'm the one who will get some emotional security

I know your in pain, but wait a minute, so are we
Why not use your pain to comfort as emotional intimacy
The one we don't share, but the one you give away so easily

I simply want to win, it's only a game
I think I have power, for I have the intention of gain through pain
You probably will forgive me, or discard it as insecurity
Yet I will continue trying, l don't stop
because I have nothing to lose

You might appear strong, but I know your secret
You broken heart is a sensitive shell
You won't be strong for long, I will be the victorious and make you weak

Oh yes.. it's worked!. 'You just don't care about anything.'
It's like you don't even realize your defeat
Wait a minute, she's gone. I don't understand
Now I will be naive, and tell the world your gone
they won't know how many times I tried to disarm
And soon I'll find someone else to prey
for happiness is external, my vanity, my ego, my looks, the attention men give me

And if anyone asks, I'll pretend I didn't fool, hurt, or manipulate anyone
I'm just a dove, oh come rescue me

I resist change

I'd like to take you somewhere, deep down, where your dreams begin to come to life
and your worries begin to fade like the knowingness that is in your mind

It will happen slow, yet don't worry, when your done you'll learn lessons that were meant to be
They will set you free, and slowly you'll be alive, like the love that is real,
the one I have for you in mind

Let me see, where shall I begin, down south, up north, every part of you goes in the same wind
And now I'm done, I will be your fee.

Oh, you're funny. You really thought I would fall in love with you
I think I'm right, and your nothing but a power tool.

So go home tonight, sleep well. I decided, of you I wouldn't take care
Oh yeah, should have mentioned it before. Slipped my mind, don't worry
you're not alone, perhaps number 143

I do...

I began imitating creations, similar to those I would make when I would have children of my own
Sexuality is  something so beautiful, and yet at times we curse the damn thing when it just doesn't kick in with its own doing security.

Let's not mistake sexuality for sexual expression, for an expression is simply an outlet for the body, and a personal style. A way of seduction, or personal fulfillment. Sexuality was something I looked for, until my flaws started making sense, something I think subconsciously I must have looked forward to ever since I knew I would have children of my own one day.

Games overtook my creativity which hadn't begun, by people who thought they could already do. It sucked, but I always knew I was so much closer to where I wanted to arrive, and so much more inspired to begin that journey ride.

Sexual expression, is my way of creating a child, a game, words, and even a whole rhyme!
Sexuality, is the color red, it lies on my root chakra, and gives me a sense of security in knowing what I am doing.

I bloom, I bloom, I bloom.... why it's here, and I'm not celebrating. Today I see, that while everything I've wanted arrives, what I gave less importance to, is the very thing I mourn, as I learn to say goodbye to the past which so kindly brought me here.

I don't care about anything...

I woke up and I wanted to be loved
I realized I'd be seeing people, and decided I'd turn the want around
Resisting what I most want, is like aiming to get better
even if it means being in doubt, or being taught

Self defeatist, out of love for you, no.. I think I might have burst your vanity bubble!
But losing this game, to ride in a fast car, where speed is no limit, is worth the motivating factors

For years I let you win on me, until slowly by slowly, one by one
you disappeared, and if I ever met you, I knew what to do

Like a learning journey, which takes some time
and as each flaw I accept, I let go of each human mind that tried to attack

And yet I let you believe that, I wasn't capable of believing in such a state
when only I knew how protected and guarded I kept my love fate

If I saw you today, I wouldn't explain, for you have never changed
much like your desire to win with your ego
instead of using it for grander purpose ways

You will know when you have children of your own
as much as I will know to value my own.

I don't want to be like you, I only love loving.

If I sat down, to really search my brain, and write down the numerous, what seem like endless
times I have tried to figure out the two roles human beings play
I would have received an award, for years of contemplation on human roles in society

I think my mentors kept it a secret from me, so that I would discover it myself
and I believe the universe only presented me with life lessons which would bring me
that recognition and awareness, of the challenge that has been focal in my life, in my
personal relationships.

Essays, endless ones on Ram and Sita, the British colonials and Hindu citizens, white lords and black slaves, political forces and society. The discussions, debates, arguments, thoughts, such a will to understand this balancing act!! And today I see it, after years of wonderment and nearly three years of a search, that there are two people involved in a relationship, the giver and the taker.

Of course I knew, and saw that one was more loving than the other, yet I never realized that it consisted of power roles, and a force which concludes your role in the specific relationship, or in general in your relationships.

I never appreciated the strength of a giver, their love, their belief, kindness and most of all their choice to play that role. Today I do appreciate them, for I finally see what I have always been.

A giver can go through the worst no doubt, it might even force you to want to be a taker, more out of a certain emptiness than a will to fight. Yet soon enough one realizes, that being yourself is by far grander than any situation which involves you playing a role.

As for a taker, I've met so many, knew they were insecure, and hid it with their ego's but till Now, I've just come to see how far a human mind can go to feel better about itself emotionally, instead of finding an outlet of self love.

People who will think they have power over you, on some level like an oedipus complex, with God being their alter ego, which they personify. Some who will go to all levels to break you, and others who will walk away with everything, and give you nothing in return as it gets to their head, and they feel right. Right about what? Not something, just themselves, since its a feeling they rarely get to cherish, hence such a moment is a chance to relish the unworthiness which lies within

Of course, not all takers are bad, and not all givers are good. At times each only plays a role which balances the opposite force. Hence a tyrant opposing a victim.

Personal relationships, to discover yourself amongst the action, is to bloom regardless of anyone's wants but yours, and your destiny fate.

Children

All over the place, all ages, once you master your own child, it starts getting easier
Fear of what they'll become, and responsibility for their actions
Yet I see that being scared is a part of the shining diamond that lies within
What if it sets free.. and receives everything its always wanted
What if I am that powerful as I can be, what if I unlock that potential and allow the universe and society to sink it in

At times we consider people children, unaware of their strength
Unappreciated, for a while, but I believe soon they find the right path
or more rightly it comes right to them
They learn to love themselves and work on holding their own
For they realize that the more they aim to fight back, they only hold in
Oh this thing called balance, it really exists, in all relationships, forces and events

How could there not be destruction to balance creation, society hold both in their heart
Is it the soul's decision, or the mind's? Or perhaps all the body has known
For if you've only known of something, no matter how much you understand or don't
You will only experience that until the universe considers you ready for the next level

Hence in that there is no wrong, but perhaps only right for that is what's meant to be
If you've only received one thing, how could you know what it is to receive another
how could you possibly understand something you've never known of
until you open up to it, and allow it in, and live it yourself
It's easy to say, that one should learn from others mistakes
but it's kinda immaterial for you haven't been through it consciously
With the resistance society, myself included have, it's hard enough
learning from the day to day moments, to surrender to life's flow regardless of the fact
that we do receive what we want eventually, yet on the way we also receive that we didn't
ask for

Justify that which the mind sees as weak
for that weakness, might turn out to be your strength
and you might discover a diamond in the rough

Love or something

I personified you as my life
Knowing for me, it was the only way to live
Knowing I was young, and the years would be plenty

It wasn't easy as believing, that came naturally
seeing it in my friends, hoping it to be acquainted dates
finding it in projects, or simply relishing it whilst doing
Kinda like a state of love is doing

How creative is my reflection, youthful energy
which focused on children
from cooked dishes, to painted pieces, dance performances and singing vocals

And then it dawned, that I wasn't me, but a love puppet who wished to be set free
How could I believe, when the love I know, actually wait, Knew.. was a pretense
I now claim to society gaming manifestations
If only they played diner dash... this problem wouldn't be!
They'd soon realize, that games are electronic, they provide larger entertainment

When love bade to be nowhere, and 21 years got to my conscious
the only place left to look, where I had denied the most, was inside, my own eyes
And now I'm looking, enjoying what I see, and the universe is joining me
with a beautiful celebrated material form love to be

So perhaps life has bumps, sometimes we even lose everything we have
But the road that appears ahead, is only more amazing and marvelous than before
for now we are grown, and have the strength to fight anything that comes along
Bless Ego, what I never appreciated, is what helps me now keep my love alive!

I'm there.. on the turn

I sank so deep, the cover reminded me of a full-blown tier downer
Where all is black, and what is visible ceases to exist

It's coming off I say, I have been noticing for the past year
And yet it happens, kinda like life, no time, no mime, just a simple sign
Of all that was will remain to be, whilst all that is needs space to be free

And now I see I always knew, and now I see, I Know
and Yet this shield protects me from myself
Like a resistant blanket which fails to reprehend itself
At least now it's a sweater, a heavy blanket, a clinging shawl.. worn them all

I have something, oh I do, yet it's so material, unable to improve
in the place I most want, the zone that is so personal
For sure it's comfortable, I've built it over the years
and discovered what makes it work
From sounds, to smells, to touch, to every sense

It kinda glides in that field, as though it were born to be
A place of love, purity and self reflection
No wonder religion has such an important place
it can be the biggest resistance, for I see it as a possible destruction

Religion, destruction, how could this be, when I live and dine learning about thee
Cos all that is made, by the man of mind, fails to be religion, if only a paradigm way of life
Releasing those mental thoughts, is where the challenge lies
for then you've found yourself, and a religion which is based on having an Open mind

Those feelings which we so aspire, become special, since there is no Big and Small
one comprehends, it's just a stable turn
And whilst those extremes, give fun and joy for a while
They soon surprise for they make life a roller coaster ride
And yet when they unite, and all seems 'bored'
One is at peace, with all that is , and all in one all

So let commitment come this way, for when I am committed to me
There is no force that can beg me stray

The missing rose

Ever wonder about that journey of unity and true reflection
the kind that exposes all, and relinquishes sight.
The other within I, the ego barrier, or the resistance to truth
softness moulded by a hardness which is created over time
or perhaps a state of mind learnt through life 'experience.'
Being the teacher and student, unlearning the learnt.
Breaking the walls.


If so, and if your going through the same thing,
You should read
'The missing rose,' by Serdar Ozken.. Amazing!
Completely entertaining, and relatable to this once in a lifetime journey!

Dirty Laundry

The Kind you find in your mind
Not the flaws, weaknesses or messed up times

The pile of work the mind needs to comprehend
before the path becomes clear and the want sets in

When it's left undone, resistance kicks in
And allows for a defeat to boom

Make the choice, and soon you discover, that most of the effort
lies within, and shortly after, your already saying, I do...

You believed them right... So Did I

You believed them right
both of you..
check out my parallel universal lifeline
with another two, competing for them like fries on the sides

Since when does love compete, and more so, since when does a relationship
stay alive, or be repressed depend on whose got the beat
If that's the case, then fuck the base

When chocolate, and light, serenaded my nights
The stepsisters, stepped out of Cinderella, to bring out a broom in my hand sight
As though, the image of a doormat, or its consequent addiction patterned and stirred cries
would insinuate, or distant my protective knights

These games are for kids, as you soon come to realize, that they return pretty quick
and screw your world, in the same way you screw with imaginary 'wands', standing like twigs
Your mirrored reflections, become a joke, one based on manipulation and a need to separate poles
Unable to unite your own beautiful flaws

Whilst you may succeed for a little while, those who supported your miles
soon come to realize your true insecure styles
And those who believed you once upon a time, soon value that which they distanced
out of passed on beliefs, instead of trusting that which they saw

What doesn't work starts to include you, and I feel blessed to have learnt something
so valuable by a bunch of fools who think they have wicked tools

I'm still standing.. how can you tell.. you only know about someone who fell.

Free

I'm an onion
Expect I'm human, because I have the choice to remove the layers
Release the patterns, and shed that which I really don't require
Doesn't work in my benefit, or doesn't let me reach who I really want to be
It allows my growth process to smoothen itself whilst the tears expose
the break down, and consequent liberation of the core
A core which finally gets a chance to breathe, and grow
with personal fertilization, for the higher good of self
and a desire to change the I to attain my wants

I'm looking at the old girl, and acknowledging her existence
and what now seems to be some sort of rebirth
And even though she's leaving me somehow
I feel closer to what's within, and honored to enjoy her presence
for the lil time I have left to enjoy her antiques, memories and 'mistakes'

Perhaps the growth has set in, or it's that age
Maybe I've accepted what I see, or enjoying exposing it more often than not
As a girl, a common dream is to want to get married
Today I find, that true marriage comes within me firstly
Because it allows me to bask in a love which unites both my sides
and synchronically opens me up for some Universal love

xx

2010- Year of Unity

Network collage, envelopes and parcels members across the globe
Presented in profiles, pictures and friendship circles as a human individual pose

Be it facebook, twitter, or any social media which creates a mobile tone
Visible beings, old acquaintances, and new connects

Ironically, in this global fast pace, with constant change, and formings
What happens, when friendships take a toss, circles destruct, or a visible love for a particular humanity

The clash of life, between the constant truth, and the electronic situation
correlates in a frenzy, as positions lie different according to mental stability

When it doesn't work anymore, do we lie, or honestly cut the chord
Play the game, create a stance, or allow the negativity, and throw the downfall

Queries remain on how a life, which is new everyday, and relationships which keep adapting maintain the same pace on global network stations

And if it wasn't so important, then the world wouldn't be online everyday
whilst bbs clicking away at every corner stop

Every year, we learn something new, a specific motion or phase is distinct
And sets apart, that which is old, that which is new, and that which is integrated into personal understanding

Hence spiritual growth is above all, yet perhaps least noticed in technological terms
Where in human minds automatically connect, recharge their social pills, stay in touch and keep a check on old colleagues and friends.

It kinda clashes, with life's individual pace, of a journey, where synchronistic events occur,
the puzzle forms in certain pieces, and the universe presents us in situations, which seem to happen for a reason, or unite people with a common basis.

This clash between the old school and new school.. my state of mind.. or perhaps the unity which is occurring within me.. on this Year.

An Affair to remember

I kept you safe, for the times you warmed my nights
I protected your secret actions, and took on society's angry sights

When blamed for being another's muse, with a desire to rule another's
You were the one that got me there, with the way you broke my way

And then you sat in stern silence, as people enhanced lies based on deceit
 Those with people questioning my sexuality, as though I were someone's meat

Sometimes in life, we're placed in situations, and put in a position
Where the wrong and right cease to exist, and people's judgements price the list

From solemn days, to stoned nights, the candle was lit, and my protective white net above my sight
My windows slanted, with rain drops on the pane, reflecting my inner state and my parallel tear drop fate

When darkness struck, and lightning bolts lighted up my room
I thought of you, and what it would be to lie next to you

My thoughtful words, my teachings and learnings, were no more appreciated
But looked at in plain sexual naivety

When the only relationship that existed in my life was the one I shared with you
You failed to protect me from all these accusational fools

And till today, your face lies silent, with no words to give me
As though my love, were so dirty, that I didn't even deserve any care


I would like to ask my god, why did this happen when all I tried was to be a mother
Yet I've come to realize, I must love you so much, that I denied the world the truth

I could go on to say that I was heart-broken, manipulated, even prey to people's games
Yet I reside in the way, that I missed you every night, woke up to you in my mind
and worked with all that was available every time

It's strange how people will believe anything, even after they've known you for a while
But wait, I believed in those, who used me to add oil to a burning plight

People say, don't worry, it'll come back in karma, just set your sights
But really, I don't care, because who are people, if not one another's reflections

Perhaps they are so insecure, that they use you to get rid of their personal frights
Which suddenly explains, what happened all those times!

I remember my silence, that peaceful stir, portrayed as an 'evil character' from some sleazy book
It was kinda fun, the drama always inspires me to do better

And yet I became stronger, and it showed me, who was there to stick, and who was at a turn

So then you see, while memories in my mind are scarred and burnt
Whilst people might think I'm that which is their concern

The truth is, how can you know, when you rarely see my fun

Blinded eyes

Destroyed, matted, lifeless, self-defeat, the meticulous actions of lustful knowing
A twisted life path, deathful suffocation, and addictive memories

When a human decides to end it all
It isn't the breaking which is loud, but rather the silence which creaks in, crawls and shivers alike
the trembling skin, the distant glares, the moist - ful eyes and the reckless times

Cycles of drowning laughter, deadly objectifying situations
Wanting to return, when the simplest felt possible, and the breaking hadn't begun

Childhood learning, impacts on the child , loses base, to accept disgrace
Attached to a frozen encounter, the memory doesn't understand

When you know what happened
but the time and age collide and clash

You soon discover to unite both
One needs to give in the stake at last.....

Expect what you want

If the pit hadn't been so deep, I wouldn't appreciate the light
If the fall hadn't created so many bruises, I wouldn't understand self-love
If there hadn't been betrayal, I wouldn't have an awareness of my naivety
If the world hadn't laughed, I wouldn't have worked on myself for the better

If, If, If......

When lightness arrives after darkness, the world seems smaller yet at the same time vaster in terms of aged experience.
Self becomes a small presence, and communication a large one
Overwhelmed by that which didn't allow one to be a child
Is only a step in appreciating the youth whilst growing with an intellectual mind.

Betrayals are stepping stones personified

For every time that someone quit on me, I've learnt how hard I'm willing to work, to make my children dignified human beings.

Kindness goes a long way, when you meet someone who 'wronged' you, they apologize, yet the pain you feel takes a while to heal, and the forgiveness sometimes years. Their behavior is polite, yet it being so late, has lost its value, and remains to be an etiquette in order to maintain socio- conditions.

For every time that I was made to believe that I required approval, I've learnt how hard I'm willing to aspire towards self love and grow with time, like  a rose which strengthens its roots before reaching for the sunlight.

Self- defeat, is only a phase, part of a cycle that allows a gem to shine. The worst is over, the weakest points have been dealt with, and the importance of assertiveness raises its stake.

For every time that I remained silent, I've learnt how deep I can truly go within my self. I've managed to create a peaceful zone, some people don't achieve in a life of days.

Words are immaterial, until and unless they make sense. They provide a form of communication, and preserve  actions into behavior ways.

I'm a tigress in my territory

Tribal warfare translates into animal instinct and behavior
The kind that tests your survival, that strengthens your flaws, and reveal the hidden

When in society, playing the society roles,
 it's not really a choice, but rather a situation which occurs regardless of its want or not

Every year, as a human, a major life lesson is learnt, the mind evolves and another or a few layers peel off

In the year of relationships, 2009, I split in half. I was torn between that which is right for me, and that which I'd known and which all the people surrounding me were following. It's a crucial point, where after a lifetime of society expectations, rebellion to rules, and destructive patterns, you reach an age where there's a bump in the road and the hard work relies in choosing an option in a limited time space slot.

No more do society structures impress, nor does the 'popularity' crest. In truthfulness, the image and mask of years failed to relate during the moment it fell. When you live and befriend society members whose main concern is their social attributes, you quickly discover that, that is their own friend and perhaps the biggest foe of anybody who fails to live by their standards in these circles.

I'm happy to say that over half a year, painful standings and questions all around, my decision was to take the path which I completely feared for such a long time, but I knew was the greatest option that could have surmount all the obstacles, I had finally crosser over, passed and cried on.

It meant giving up, on things which had already betrayed me, left me or failed to exist when the road was crossed and rough. And most of all, let go all of those units which didn't fit into my patterns anymore and relationships which never were self-fulfilling and truly passed their sale by date. Which perhaps truly explains why some people struggle for approval, all they need to do is change their friends!!

For such a long time, for years and years I had repeated the same mistake of trying to fit in with people who I never felt were right for me, trying to ignore that little voice inside that said, Stop, leave! Imagining it to be some resistance, yet I was the biggest resistance in the face of my intuition, which only proved itself right too soon for me to even notice how much all had changed in my life. Perhaps subconsciously, I chose it because I knew I would learn the most from these falls.

And yes, there is a silver lining, amongst the dark and tormented clouds. A line which reminds you of something funny, a twist in the tale, which allows the situation to be put into perspective and for it gain a momentum which allows one to really value self above all. The twist in this tale, no matter which relationship, if one observes that one is not part of those peoples lives anymore, it becomes a tale in itself, for they have lost out on a truth and light which doesn't conform.

Imagine why it was right

Only you were there
When the world struck up, and tormented the skies

Only you were there
When it was a period of attack, and I needed some comfort in my mind

Only you were there
When I was misunderstood, and you understood the part of me that's a child

Only you were there
When power was implanted in my mind, and I could be honest about my shameful state of mind

Only you were there
When my dignity and sexuality were up for common pointing as though I were anyone's interest

Only you were there
When all they did was advice and 'win' when all I wanted was my silent time

And here I am, because of my efforts, the overcoming of obstacles and focusing on my life mission.
And here you are, as always by my side, regardless of the good and bad, for you always see what you are inside.

Revolution period in human growth

Does world news upset you, or traumatize your mind when you discover the real conditions
of a child's life. Do you ever consider what it might be like for those children who
are used in cheap labor for product sales, or the slavery which goes on secretly and discreetly in so
many spaces around the world. What about those sold in the black market, or people who are
brainwashed into believing something which has no basis of truth.

What about when your bubble bursts, social circles fall apart and relationships deteriorate
Have you ever known of someone, who leaves when they are most needed
Or turns around to stab your want, when your love is unconditional

At times, the big picture episodes, are given so much importance, that the small picture
becomes one lived in unawareness and loss of attention.
Care of human active behavior is rarely seen and acknowledged amongst social circles
Yet there hits a point, when the mask raises, and the eyes see the truth for the first time.

The notion of judgement arises from the past, and settles into the Now
when the mind recollects that which hasn't been embraced for one final time

The blame game ends, and clarity remains in all being one
Hence allowing the past to be a journey of choice
An episode of human growth, and education of life cycles

As for humans which walk in and out of the mind, sometimes they are
temporary, others root in the past, and some arrive when you least expect a smile

When your questioned for not being an example of social expectation
or perfection in style and diplomatic lies. It actually surprises me, that those
that are playing the game in all their conversations are considered normal
While those that speak the truth, or say what they think at any point in time
expressing their particular feeling is considered 'weird.' At least they're direct instead
of wasting yours and their time, saving some world space, and preserving their oxygen level.



I always knew that one day, I would smile, sing, dance and look at them straight in the eye
wear beautiful clothes, and express myself with accessories and colored powdered masks.
I enjoyed the things they said, their belief I wouldn't get there, or their insecure attacking knives.
It kind of motivated me to continue my independent way of life.


My secret: I wanted to discover the unknown, and test the waters with a deep dive, and await all those
glamorous things, which will arrive and take place at the right place and the right time. Like an amazing destination, whose excitement lies in the waited growth time.

Perhaps I was wrong in their eyes, naive, even cold for wanting a revolution for humankind.
I look back, smile, and amaze in wonder at how far I've come in life
From days where I dreamed of human societies and understanding
to an increased awareness level, and a human mind which works in a logically
creative style.

I am a Rose, and I will forever Shine.

I'm thinking, I love 'the scientist'

Be careful when your young, oh we can be so naive
Unaware of people's games, misunderstood by manipulation
Worded phrases said in moments of self loss

Sometimes those closest to you, turn around to be the very people you avoid
People change, yet these gamers don't change, they maintain their insecurities
by breeding power games, which resort in victim-hood consequences

Ironically, most of the time, manipulators and egoists don't realize what they do
As though they're actions would have no consequences on a human mind
that isn't as power hungry as theirs.

No wonder, those who don't manipulate are considered 'fat' or emotional  on 'food'
Perhaps because they nurture and nourish with love
rather than through mind satisfaction of winning a game which isn't played by all
and at times unknown of its existence to some

The traumas which are created are seldom known by those who surround these truly innocent minds
Ones which smile, or just are what they are.
In fact, those that act innocent, claim to not understand what they did wrong, or their victimization skills
are the most insecure, gaming people who need to whack out their feelings in 'polite terms' and throw it on you, as though it leaves their consciousness, and subconscious mind.

It's so easy, to create a self defeatist, by constant words, actions and intentional behavior
It's so easy to pry on those that are concerned with much more than their sexuality

You forget, that they might be 'younger' than you, in your words
even 'small' or 'less intelligent' because they don't play the way you do
Yet soon you come to realize that they are born mothers, who could easily rule
the world, and help each child alive, whilst teaching that is which for the higher good of all.

Long live natural mothers, givers, lovers, and true loyalists, who always are what they are.

Is that all there is?

When your soft and calm
Do you find the cared become inconsistent

When you glide and fly
Do you think they feel too secure to move

When you enjoy your freedom
Do they crave some words

When your not interested in major change
Do you find they think you won't get there

When silence is your favorite central state
Do you notice that love is background info

Have you been told your spot and place
Because you don't openly shine

When you enjoy your comfort zone
Do you ignore silly words, or battles people randomly throw

Do you, Do you , Do you
For social circles seem to enjoy this through and fro

Join me, in a place nobody seems to go
An honesty that is without a show

Wordly mind

The mind became the world around
Sights, Sounds, Smells and written words

Voices began to register, and human consciousness disappeared
Approval vanishes, and depends on surroundings
As interactions evaluate dishonoring

Brain dead, no mind to mind
Only the world around, is a way to unite

Like a child, it asks for love
Wants prevail, as the affection lanes twist and turn
Until the corner pane... home I will bathe

Bloggage material

Once in a while the winds change
and destiny shows us forces we never knew existed

The kind that arrive to change your life
moments which forever contribute to your mind

Humans consider themselves to be part of this destruction
Unnecessary, for it is life growth

A person doesn't contribute to such an event
Yet they steer their own karmic way

When you loose everything you 'had'
You learn to be free with what you are

Aware that our wants are forever powerfully
It is the live beings who at times are the obstacles

If they deny your wants, and give you advice
It's because they're incomplete, and using your power to unite

Then you can wonder why you attract such terms
When all is available in this wide world

Inside it's known that there is a lesson to be learnt
The mind victories in the motivating strength it provides

My privacy has actions to contemplate and patterns to decipher
The human mind, the most interesting kite

Live things

As humans, our tiny errors don't compare to those that we do in vain ignorance of that which is
Like the brain which eats an animal, and doesn't register it to be live
Like the injustice faced by people around the world by people who consider victims as dead, or inanimate objects

When things become live, the mind automatically releases and frees the subject
For it is no more a reflection of negative rooted fears, but rather a lightness of setting oneself free

Tyrannical Ignorance, pretense and an inability to stay put

I saw the way you smiled, when I felt intruded
I saw the way you flaunted, when I was the attraction
I saw the way you dropped down, when a smile arose on my face
I saw the way you checked on me, when I was comfortable
I saw the way you teased me, when I was in the middle of a tale
I say the way you battled me, when a mother in me came out

And most of all I know what you do to me
I use it as a chance to contemplate, grow and motivate my soul

It must feel good to see someone worse off when you feel low
Perhaps you encounter power, or feel grand in that illusionary folk

I think you must feel really low about yourself
to need to play such games
The kind that foreigners played on your home territory plain
To some the partition ended the plight
Yet as we live, post partition, the old game is still alive

Throned

They all said you should have tried harder
As though, actions weren't enough to convey symbolism
Or perhaps the behavior which was stretched, while silence filled the room

Energies shifting in one direction, and humans comprehending that the energy has no focus or intent
Not questioning the lack of energy provided by another, making it incomplete

Calm methods are a personal flair, they enhance a style that simply comprehends
When wants are individual, and there is one thing required
It was failed with no return and a wound that was unheard

Work, understanding, games, and love are questioned
When contributors are blind to personal awareness

How would you know the harmonious melody which was created
You weren't around to hear that sound
Feet on the ground, head aiming for the sky, to the top of all
Forgetting love lies
When the lies manifest
It's left with a reject
and it all surrounds in a world, missing a crown