I tried to say.. don't go

You don't have to be lonely, in order to be ALONE

Close your eyes, consider the planet, see it revolving
Imagine the humans which must reside in every single corner of our planet
Every place inhabited, by distinct societies
Amongst those you will find several members who bring themselves up alone
And if you look deep in your heart, you'll even notice
the brave few, who don't need a society in order to cure something
which only ever changes when you Change

Learn to be 'Responsible for your Rose.' - Little Prince

Emotional you

She says your emotions run like a river
That they turn and toil, and reveal a whole philosophy
They contemplate life, and question even curiosity

She said a lot of things to me, till inside I took a clue
I saw below what she failed to see, and that was the change which laid amongst you
You personified that change, day in and night out.
But she could never see it, damn she hasn't changed since the 1993 drought

She fails to see that even leaves, trees, and the sky change their form and motion
every day, even in possible minutes.
She only sees the hair and make up she puts on. Like clay, moulded in what the world expected her to be

She thinks she is free, as though her fake eyes don't betray the opposing
She thinks she has the right to play, and make you lose, because your what she calls emotional
Ironically, it is her, who needs you to throw her emotions astray
the ones that make her insecure, and lie within her everyday

She looks at her reflection with a false glare
for unable to change, she thinks there is no other way

She then uses you, to throw some of her baggage into your life
so that her life feels good, and her emotions fly high

It is you who lets it be, pretending to not notice
Yet I know, you know, what she does
And yet you discard it as a burden carried for children

I ask you today, if those children were yours, would you let them stray
I know you will not answer, but I also know that you would never allow them
in such a manner to behave

Hence tell me why such a major difference lies, when children are unconditional
but yours lie at an advantage
for yours get the care, you save for them
and the rest become spoiled like children who have no concern or care for how far
their actions can coincide with a human.

I know the wind sets everyone free some day
Till then, if you can't play
Learn to accept that such a deal is unacceptable and unfair
Walk away, and let them learn through their own mistakes
Say good bye, for without them, your life is blessed with a new day

I see what you mean

Confessions of a shopaholic sounds so glamorous
Even losing its value of addiction
As opposed to the regular alcoholics and drugaholics .. ( Diction apart )

We find happiness in something which provides a sense of urgency
something all the senses attach themselves to
Much like a foodie who craves the same at anytime

It's like an accessory, or a couture which makes one feel complete
Like the bag you saw in Vogue, the dish that makes your mom's food one apart
The drug which wakes your mind, or the drink which tops the past

It kinda makes life fun and light, or allows us to change the details
whilst the real life resistance, is put aside

Perhaps we hide from what we have the potential to feel for ourselves
But then the drama would end, and a new journey would begin
It's scary, but I think we all eventually get there

Don't try.. say Good bye

Something can to an end, the day you sat and said I was running from something
Your love had turned off, and you sat and contemplated me

You said I was a lot of different words, to a lot of different people
But I always knew that those were words you created in the midst of such people
I tried to help you see the truth, yet you thought you were betraying me,  whilst
becoming much like the other rose, with whom you lose your scent beauty

And yet at times, I miss you in thought, or departing ways.
But I also see that you chose to go another way. My problem never lied
with the other, it lied with us losing our natural identity
to be the social expectation as is the moulded artificial other,
much like the other roses Serdar talks about who exist to make
roses who are their natural scent value themselves.

It hurts less everyday, and what was an investment, to make you realize
fades away, as I see everyone gets what they deserve.


As for the words with which you described me in 2008 and 2009, the ones you also used the last time I met you which had no scent, I quote Serdar, 'A rose is a mirror to another rose; when one looks at the other, she either sees her own scent or lack of it.'

I want to change

If I dream about you, does it mean you'll appear into my life
Will my subconscious predict your appearance
or will I simply understand a question that my learning resisted to ask

When you come into my dreams, it's not your face, body, or personality that I remember
But rather, your feeling, the way you looked, your actions and behavior care
You usually leave me something, that adds to my security
and yet you balance it with something, that lets me see your flawed beauty

How could this be, a clash between the first and the second
When the first is aiming to be comprehended
and the second, simply being surrounded by where I love to sit free

And yet you both have your own ways, one full of my memory pictures
and another some sort of respective loyalty

The mystery which was rare, becomes a normal living
The mystery simply loses its need for air, and regains a sense of creativity

You see, when you really are rare, you are yourself
You create, attract your wants, and gain stability

This is me, becoming part of humanity, the one I love.

You don't know..

I see your broken heart shining through
I think I'll cry power, and set you free
Oh wait, what a joke! I'm the one who will get some emotional security

I know your in pain, but wait a minute, so are we
Why not use your pain to comfort as emotional intimacy
The one we don't share, but the one you give away so easily

I simply want to win, it's only a game
I think I have power, for I have the intention of gain through pain
You probably will forgive me, or discard it as insecurity
Yet I will continue trying, l don't stop
because I have nothing to lose

You might appear strong, but I know your secret
You broken heart is a sensitive shell
You won't be strong for long, I will be the victorious and make you weak

Oh yes.. it's worked!. 'You just don't care about anything.'
It's like you don't even realize your defeat
Wait a minute, she's gone. I don't understand
Now I will be naive, and tell the world your gone
they won't know how many times I tried to disarm
And soon I'll find someone else to prey
for happiness is external, my vanity, my ego, my looks, the attention men give me

And if anyone asks, I'll pretend I didn't fool, hurt, or manipulate anyone
I'm just a dove, oh come rescue me

I resist change

I'd like to take you somewhere, deep down, where your dreams begin to come to life
and your worries begin to fade like the knowingness that is in your mind

It will happen slow, yet don't worry, when your done you'll learn lessons that were meant to be
They will set you free, and slowly you'll be alive, like the love that is real,
the one I have for you in mind

Let me see, where shall I begin, down south, up north, every part of you goes in the same wind
And now I'm done, I will be your fee.

Oh, you're funny. You really thought I would fall in love with you
I think I'm right, and your nothing but a power tool.

So go home tonight, sleep well. I decided, of you I wouldn't take care
Oh yeah, should have mentioned it before. Slipped my mind, don't worry
you're not alone, perhaps number 143

I do...

I began imitating creations, similar to those I would make when I would have children of my own
Sexuality is  something so beautiful, and yet at times we curse the damn thing when it just doesn't kick in with its own doing security.

Let's not mistake sexuality for sexual expression, for an expression is simply an outlet for the body, and a personal style. A way of seduction, or personal fulfillment. Sexuality was something I looked for, until my flaws started making sense, something I think subconsciously I must have looked forward to ever since I knew I would have children of my own one day.

Games overtook my creativity which hadn't begun, by people who thought they could already do. It sucked, but I always knew I was so much closer to where I wanted to arrive, and so much more inspired to begin that journey ride.

Sexual expression, is my way of creating a child, a game, words, and even a whole rhyme!
Sexuality, is the color red, it lies on my root chakra, and gives me a sense of security in knowing what I am doing.

I bloom, I bloom, I bloom.... why it's here, and I'm not celebrating. Today I see, that while everything I've wanted arrives, what I gave less importance to, is the very thing I mourn, as I learn to say goodbye to the past which so kindly brought me here.

I don't care about anything...

I woke up and I wanted to be loved
I realized I'd be seeing people, and decided I'd turn the want around
Resisting what I most want, is like aiming to get better
even if it means being in doubt, or being taught

Self defeatist, out of love for you, no.. I think I might have burst your vanity bubble!
But losing this game, to ride in a fast car, where speed is no limit, is worth the motivating factors

For years I let you win on me, until slowly by slowly, one by one
you disappeared, and if I ever met you, I knew what to do

Like a learning journey, which takes some time
and as each flaw I accept, I let go of each human mind that tried to attack

And yet I let you believe that, I wasn't capable of believing in such a state
when only I knew how protected and guarded I kept my love fate

If I saw you today, I wouldn't explain, for you have never changed
much like your desire to win with your ego
instead of using it for grander purpose ways

You will know when you have children of your own
as much as I will know to value my own.

I don't want to be like you, I only love loving.

If I sat down, to really search my brain, and write down the numerous, what seem like endless
times I have tried to figure out the two roles human beings play
I would have received an award, for years of contemplation on human roles in society

I think my mentors kept it a secret from me, so that I would discover it myself
and I believe the universe only presented me with life lessons which would bring me
that recognition and awareness, of the challenge that has been focal in my life, in my
personal relationships.

Essays, endless ones on Ram and Sita, the British colonials and Hindu citizens, white lords and black slaves, political forces and society. The discussions, debates, arguments, thoughts, such a will to understand this balancing act!! And today I see it, after years of wonderment and nearly three years of a search, that there are two people involved in a relationship, the giver and the taker.

Of course I knew, and saw that one was more loving than the other, yet I never realized that it consisted of power roles, and a force which concludes your role in the specific relationship, or in general in your relationships.

I never appreciated the strength of a giver, their love, their belief, kindness and most of all their choice to play that role. Today I do appreciate them, for I finally see what I have always been.

A giver can go through the worst no doubt, it might even force you to want to be a taker, more out of a certain emptiness than a will to fight. Yet soon enough one realizes, that being yourself is by far grander than any situation which involves you playing a role.

As for a taker, I've met so many, knew they were insecure, and hid it with their ego's but till Now, I've just come to see how far a human mind can go to feel better about itself emotionally, instead of finding an outlet of self love.

People who will think they have power over you, on some level like an oedipus complex, with God being their alter ego, which they personify. Some who will go to all levels to break you, and others who will walk away with everything, and give you nothing in return as it gets to their head, and they feel right. Right about what? Not something, just themselves, since its a feeling they rarely get to cherish, hence such a moment is a chance to relish the unworthiness which lies within

Of course, not all takers are bad, and not all givers are good. At times each only plays a role which balances the opposite force. Hence a tyrant opposing a victim.

Personal relationships, to discover yourself amongst the action, is to bloom regardless of anyone's wants but yours, and your destiny fate.

Children

All over the place, all ages, once you master your own child, it starts getting easier
Fear of what they'll become, and responsibility for their actions
Yet I see that being scared is a part of the shining diamond that lies within
What if it sets free.. and receives everything its always wanted
What if I am that powerful as I can be, what if I unlock that potential and allow the universe and society to sink it in

At times we consider people children, unaware of their strength
Unappreciated, for a while, but I believe soon they find the right path
or more rightly it comes right to them
They learn to love themselves and work on holding their own
For they realize that the more they aim to fight back, they only hold in
Oh this thing called balance, it really exists, in all relationships, forces and events

How could there not be destruction to balance creation, society hold both in their heart
Is it the soul's decision, or the mind's? Or perhaps all the body has known
For if you've only known of something, no matter how much you understand or don't
You will only experience that until the universe considers you ready for the next level

Hence in that there is no wrong, but perhaps only right for that is what's meant to be
If you've only received one thing, how could you know what it is to receive another
how could you possibly understand something you've never known of
until you open up to it, and allow it in, and live it yourself
It's easy to say, that one should learn from others mistakes
but it's kinda immaterial for you haven't been through it consciously
With the resistance society, myself included have, it's hard enough
learning from the day to day moments, to surrender to life's flow regardless of the fact
that we do receive what we want eventually, yet on the way we also receive that we didn't
ask for

Justify that which the mind sees as weak
for that weakness, might turn out to be your strength
and you might discover a diamond in the rough

Love or something

I personified you as my life
Knowing for me, it was the only way to live
Knowing I was young, and the years would be plenty

It wasn't easy as believing, that came naturally
seeing it in my friends, hoping it to be acquainted dates
finding it in projects, or simply relishing it whilst doing
Kinda like a state of love is doing

How creative is my reflection, youthful energy
which focused on children
from cooked dishes, to painted pieces, dance performances and singing vocals

And then it dawned, that I wasn't me, but a love puppet who wished to be set free
How could I believe, when the love I know, actually wait, Knew.. was a pretense
I now claim to society gaming manifestations
If only they played diner dash... this problem wouldn't be!
They'd soon realize, that games are electronic, they provide larger entertainment

When love bade to be nowhere, and 21 years got to my conscious
the only place left to look, where I had denied the most, was inside, my own eyes
And now I'm looking, enjoying what I see, and the universe is joining me
with a beautiful celebrated material form love to be

So perhaps life has bumps, sometimes we even lose everything we have
But the road that appears ahead, is only more amazing and marvelous than before
for now we are grown, and have the strength to fight anything that comes along
Bless Ego, what I never appreciated, is what helps me now keep my love alive!

I'm there.. on the turn

I sank so deep, the cover reminded me of a full-blown tier downer
Where all is black, and what is visible ceases to exist

It's coming off I say, I have been noticing for the past year
And yet it happens, kinda like life, no time, no mime, just a simple sign
Of all that was will remain to be, whilst all that is needs space to be free

And now I see I always knew, and now I see, I Know
and Yet this shield protects me from myself
Like a resistant blanket which fails to reprehend itself
At least now it's a sweater, a heavy blanket, a clinging shawl.. worn them all

I have something, oh I do, yet it's so material, unable to improve
in the place I most want, the zone that is so personal
For sure it's comfortable, I've built it over the years
and discovered what makes it work
From sounds, to smells, to touch, to every sense

It kinda glides in that field, as though it were born to be
A place of love, purity and self reflection
No wonder religion has such an important place
it can be the biggest resistance, for I see it as a possible destruction

Religion, destruction, how could this be, when I live and dine learning about thee
Cos all that is made, by the man of mind, fails to be religion, if only a paradigm way of life
Releasing those mental thoughts, is where the challenge lies
for then you've found yourself, and a religion which is based on having an Open mind

Those feelings which we so aspire, become special, since there is no Big and Small
one comprehends, it's just a stable turn
And whilst those extremes, give fun and joy for a while
They soon surprise for they make life a roller coaster ride
And yet when they unite, and all seems 'bored'
One is at peace, with all that is , and all in one all

So let commitment come this way, for when I am committed to me
There is no force that can beg me stray